(06:08:46) araignéeRégnant: dude i fucking hated working for a company
(06:08:56) araignéeRégnant: i used to work for the uk's answer to target
(06:09:09) araignéeRégnant: except target has a soul compared to this place
(06:09:13) araignéeRégnant: and that's saying something
(06:09:20) felisChasma: Omg
(06:09:32) araignéeRégnant: i mean target is sort of good to its employees at least
(06:09:38) felisChasma: True
(06:09:44) araignéeRégnant: tesco is a fucking demon pit
(06:09:53) felisChasma: Kays isn't terrible but they expect a lot for little pay
(06:09:56) araignéeRégnant: it's like wal mart but somehow worse
(06:10:06) felisChasma: Tesco sounds like. Demon pit
(06:10:09) araignéeRégnant: in fact we have wal mart over here
(06:10:22) araignéeRégnant: it's called ASDA and is owned by the same corporation
(06:10:48) araignéeRégnant: there are a few actual walstarmart stores in the country
(06:10:51) araignéeRégnant: but basically zero
(06:11:01) araignéeRégnant: and asda is the only worse place than tesco
(06:11:12) araignéeRégnant: and then it's sainsbury's
(06:11:22) araignéeRégnant: but i digress
(06:11:29) araignéeRégnant: i did my time
(06:11:34) araignéeRégnant: i earned a little scratch
(06:11:41) araignéeRégnant: but then i got sick, mentally
(06:11:58) araignéeRégnant: and was actually GLAD that i only wanted to kill myself conceptually rather than literally
(06:12:35) felisChasma: I hate corporate America
(06:12:39) felisChasma: Like it sucks so bad
(06:12:51) felisChasma: I can't sit down without being called lazy
(06:12:57) araignéeRégnant: ugh yes
(06:12:59) araignéeRégnant: dude my life
(06:13:05) araignéeRégnant: i can't exist without my dad judging me
(06:13:07) araignéeRégnant: im fucking sick
(06:13:19) araignéeRégnant: and he's like "are you done yet"
(06:13:21) felisChasma: Like no job in retail has chairs cause chairs = lazy
(06:13:26) felisChasma: Are you done being sick
(06:13:35) araignéeRégnant: dude bonus points to tesco
(06:13:40) araignéeRégnant: their cashiers have chairs
(06:13:41) araignéeRégnant: also yes
(06:13:44) araignéeRégnant: he literally asks me that
(06:13:46) felisChasma: Nah Dad I've decided to stay sick a while longwr
(06:13:51) felisChasma: For funsies
(06:13:53) araignéeRégnant: well he's like "so where's your head at these days"
(06:14:04) araignéeRégnant: and i'm like "um same place as always, it's the same head"
(06:14:22) araignéeRégnant: i was thinking about this today like
(06:14:32) araignéeRégnant: do i want to be demotivated because it's easier
(06:14:38) araignéeRégnant: or do i want to work
(06:14:42) araignéeRégnant: and i was like actually
(06:14:51) araignéeRégnant: i super absolutely want to work on all sorts of rad shit
(06:14:56) araignéeRégnant: but I DON'T HAVE THE MOTIVATION
(06:15:03) araignéeRégnant: BECAUSE I'M FUCKING SICK
(06:15:29) araignéeRégnant: i have a BOOK to write, i have GAMES to build, i have animations to make! i have educational and entertaining videos to make!
(06:15:52) araignéeRégnant: but no i feel like shit every fucking day so i eat pizza, drink and play minecraft and it's literally killing me
(06:16:05) araignéeRégnant: and i hate myself for it and it's making me fatter and shittier and sicker
(06:16:12) araignéeRégnant: and i want it to fucking stop!!!!
(06:16:18) araignéeRégnant: so yeah thanks dad i'm doing fine
(06:16:28) araignéeRégnant: ill just stop being sick thanks problem fucking solved
(06:16:58) araignéeRégnant: and y'know i don't even wanna say any of this to him because i love him and don't want to yell at him
(06:17:10) araignéeRégnant: but i want him to know how i feel
(06:17:19) araignéeRégnant: i want him to know it's legit and real
(06:17:33) araignéeRégnant: but also i want him to know i'm TRYING
(06:17:59) araignéeRégnant: like i see doctors several times a month and i hate it and put off appointments all the time because i get anxious or demotivated
(06:18:27) araignéeRégnant: but my doctors follow up with me and i've gotten calls from them to come in and they're super supportive
(06:18:41) araignéeRégnant: especially dr marcos who is awesome and i see him whenever i can
(06:18:51) araignéeRégnant: but like again i digress
(06:19:04) araignéeRégnant: i'm on meds and i'm just trying to do my best
(06:19:13) araignéeRégnant: and the shit im working on, i get it done bit by bit
(06:19:21) araignéeRégnant: like today i did a lot of work on my minecraft server
(06:19:39) araignéeRégnant: and people don't think it's serious but that's yet another way to make money
(06:19:53) araignéeRégnant: i love making minecraft videos and participating in commercial minecraft servers
(06:20:27) araignéeRégnant: a lot of the money i DO get actually goes to creators like me who are more busy than i am
(06:20:29) felisChasma: Do what you want
(06:20:42) felisChasma: And yell at anyone that says it's dumb
(06:20:53) araignéeRégnant: including minecrafters so i can play on their servers and as a result i've been able to network
(06:20:59) felisChasma: Cause if you like it then that's all that matters
(06:21:18) araignéeRégnant: so like i have a load of friends and connections to popular youtubers who can easily help me make money if i could only be motivated enough to REMAIN CONSISTENT
(06:21:21) araignéeRégnant: AHUJGHYi
(06:21:28) felisChasma: And you should go to the doctors cause they can help
(06:21:36) araignéeRégnant: i know and i try
(06:21:52) felisChasma: Even just one time would probably help get you kinda back in the groove
(06:21:56) araignéeRégnant: also i like to give to charity too like the project for awesome
(06:22:04) araignéeRégnant: i love nerdfighteria
(06:22:13) araignéeRégnant: (hank and john green's community)
(06:22:23) araignéeRégnant: in fact they really keep me going tbh
(06:22:34) araignéeRégnant: without their support and advice i don't know where i'd be
(06:22:34) felisChasma: Dude I support you always
(06:22:39) felisChasma: And I'm glad hun
(06:23:00) araignéeRégnant: but i know my parents would be like "ok but you're giving your money to these people you don't know and getting nothing in return"
(06:23:06) araignéeRégnant: BUT NO IM LEARNING SHIT
(06:23:27) araignéeRégnant: my money goes to helping them produce more content that makes me smarter so i can make better stuff
(06:23:31) araignéeRégnant: BUT I NEVER MAKE THE STUFF sjakghdaklhg
(06:23:31) felisChasma: Your parents opinions are not the be all end all
(06:23:48) araignéeRégnant: but also it helps people in other countries survive
(06:23:55) araignéeRégnant: like ok i have this extension on chrome
(06:24:01) araignéeRégnant: it's called tab for a cause
(06:24:08) felisChasma: Parental validation is cool and fun but not always attainable or should want to be attainable
(06:24:11) araignéeRégnant: every time you open a new tab it opens ads
(06:24:40) araignéeRégnant: and the creators of the extension put the ad money toward charity
(06:24:44) felisChasma: That sounds awesome
(06:24:48) araignéeRégnant: i checked my account yesterday
(06:25:09) araignéeRégnant: since i started using it about a year ago i've raised enough money to give 13 people clean water for a year
(06:25:14) araignéeRégnant: just by opening new tabs
(06:25:31) felisChasma: Awww
(06:25:35) araignéeRégnant: imagine if they just took all the shit i contributed
(06:25:40) araignéeRégnant: and gave it to one person
(06:25:48) araignéeRégnant: 13 years of clean water
(06:25:55) araignéeRégnant: that person could grow up to be a fucking doctor
(06:26:27) felisChasma: They really could and I'm proud of you for doing that
(06:26:39) araignéeRégnant: my point is that even idling is helpful because i try to make all my actions count
(06:26:57) araignéeRégnant: and yes, you're right, but i do care about my parents' opinions
(06:27:05) felisChasma: They can't see that or might not understand that tho
(06:27:14) araignéeRégnant: and they don't support my "lifestyle" and while dad gives me money for christmas and my birthday, it always feels forced
(06:27:17) felisChasma: Older generations think differently than we do
(06:27:38) araignéeRégnant: like, i want the kind of relationship where if i am struggling, i can ask for help and they'll be happy to do so and know it's because i need the help
(06:27:47) araignéeRégnant: instead of judging me for it
(06:27:54) araignéeRégnant: but also i don't want to want to ask them for help??
(06:28:15) araignéeRégnant: like i also feel that if i know they're there to help i'll use it as a crutch
(06:28:36) araignéeRégnant: but also i now there are people that can and do help me but i don't use them that way so idk
(06:28:35) felisChasma: You can ask for help or not, or have a good relationship with them or not. I'd sit down and see if you can talk through stuff, if you haven't
(06:28:49) araignéeRégnant: it's just weird i don't know how my brain lets me stay alive tbh
(06:29:09) felisChasma: Dude same
(06:29:48) araignéeRégnant: like ok if i borrow money i always pay it back unless people say don't bother, in which case i spend it on bills n shit
(06:30:03) araignéeRégnant: but also if i need money i push myself SUPER HARD and do like
(06:30:05) araignéeRégnant: a vector
(06:30:06) araignéeRégnant: one
(06:30:18) araignéeRégnant: one thing that takes me about a day at most if i'm feeling sprightly
(06:30:30) araignéeRégnant: and that is about what i would ask to borrow
(06:30:41) araignéeRégnant: and so that disappears quickly too
(06:31:09) felisChasma: Asking for help isn't a bad thing
(06:31:24) araignéeRégnant: one time i asked my mum for help
(06:31:25) felisChasma: We can't do everything on our own sometimes and that's ok
(06:31:32) araignéeRégnant: she chastised me for asking for charity
(06:31:36) araignéeRégnant: she called it "begging"
(06:31:43) araignéeRégnant: and yes, it was begging
(06:31:45) felisChasma: I'm sorry hun
(06:31:47) araignéeRégnant: because i was fucking desperate
(06:32:01) araignéeRégnant: but hey, she lumped me in with the stereotypes who spend their money on heroin
(06:32:15) araignéeRégnant: but she didn't even consider the fact that PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT
(06:32:35) araignéeRégnant: i asked her point blank if she even knew any homeless people and knew what they spent their money on
(06:32:45) araignéeRégnant: because i have known several
(06:32:47) felisChasma: Older generations are harder to break from stereotypes and backwards thinking
(06:32:53) araignéeRégnant: and i told her they spend money on food and shelter
(06:32:59) araignéeRégnant: because if they don't, THEY DIE
(06:33:26) araignéeRégnant: and her response was "hmm" as if she thought "well you don't know ALL homeless people..."
(06:33:31) araignéeRégnant: as if that makes a difference??
(06:33:42) araignéeRégnant: like, i'm not homeless and i'm her fucking daughter and i needed help
(06:33:52) araignéeRégnant: and she was like "No i'm going to treat you like a heroin addict"
(06:33:55) araignéeRégnant: what the fuck
(06:34:00) araignéeRégnant: what the actual fuck
(06:34:06) araignéeRégnant: goddamn i'm so pissed off about this
(06:34:19) araignéeRégnant: i actually didn't realise how angry that made me until right about now
(06:34:33) araignéeRégnant: i sort of just decided she was probably right and forgot about it
(06:34:34) araignéeRégnant: but no
(06:34:36) araignéeRégnant: fuck no
(06:34:37) araignéeRégnant: fuck that
(06:34:37) felisChasma: You should talk to her about it
(06:34:41) araignéeRégnant: ajkdsgj
(06:34:44) araignéeRégnant: god i can't do that
(06:34:50) araignéeRégnant: i mean she's broke
(06:34:58) araignéeRégnant: JESUS THAT'S RIGHT
(06:35:04) araignéeRégnant: I WASN'T EVEN ASKING HER FOR MONEY
(06:35:21) araignéeRégnant: I ASKED HER TO REPOST MY THING ASKING FOR COMMISSIONS
(06:35:23) felisChasma: What
(06:35:24) felisChasma: Even
(06:35:27) araignéeRégnant: AND SHE SAID NO BECAUSE IT WAS BEGGING
(06:35:30) araignéeRégnant: THAT'S WHAT SHE DID
(06:35:34) felisChasma: Your mom needs to chill
(06:35:36) araignéeRégnant: SHE DIDN'T REPOST THAT FUCKING ONE THING
(06:35:47) araignéeRégnant: jesus christ i had totally forgotten about that!!!
(06:36:09) araignéeRégnant: goddamn this takes me way back to when i was a teen and my mum was basically EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME
(06:36:20) araignéeRégnant: i guess the difference is that *I* got more forgetful!
(06:36:39) felisChasma: I wanna hug you n cuddle you but I'm almost falling asleep so can I pick this convo back up in the morning? I'm sorry
(06:36:56) araignéeRégnant: ugh, yes, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to rant and yell toward you for so long
(06:37:04) felisChasma: Noooo you're perfect
(06:37:09) araignéeRégnant: tbh i just wanted to say hi and that i miss you AND JESUS I WANTED TO HEAR ABOUT YOU
(06:37:13) araignéeRégnant: why did it become about me :(
(06:37:21) felisChasma: I love you
(06:37:28) felisChasma: Cause it's normally about me lol
(06:37:34) araignéeRégnant: i love you too!! gah you're such a sweetie hhh
(06:37:36) araignéeRégnant: haha well true
(06:37:36) felisChasma: I miss you too
(06:37:41) araignéeRégnant: but dude i love to hear about you
(06:37:54) araignéeRégnant: yea ok well ill be here tomorrow so lets talk properly ok
(06:38:00) felisChasma: I love to hear about you! I'll tell you in the morning
(06:38:02) araignéeRégnant: set aside a lil time and ill be here
(06:38:09) felisChasma: <3 I love you
(06:38:13) araignéeRégnant: <3
(06:38:21) araignéeRégnant: goodnight my dude my pal